Being an honest parent makes it
easier to raise honest children.
In this big bad world we so often
hear stories in the news about terrible things happening to children. As
parents, we all hope it will never happen to us but are we doing enough to
ensure that our children are kept safe?
What can we tell our children to
make them understand how to avoid danger without making them unnecessarily
scared? It’s all about secrets and how
children perceive them. There are good secrets and bad secrets and
ensuring that your children know the difference could save them from all sorts
of dangers.
Good secrets are about birthday presents
or surprise parties. These are happy secrets and secrets that benefit
people. Bad secrets come with threats and
intent to harm someone. Instill from a young age that
there should never ever be secrets kept from mommy or daddy. Watch out for saying things like
“Don’t tell mommy you had sweets before bed”.
Keeping the channels open
This sends a message to the
children that it is ok to keep secrets from mom. This can then become a
learned pattern which can be used against the kids later on. For
example: If a person wants to harm your child, they may say things
like…”if you tell mommy, I will kill her or she will be angry with you or I
will come back and hurt you.”
Make sure your kids know that
they can tell you anything and that you will never be angry with them.
They must know that if someone threatens and tells them to keep it a secret,
they must tell you and you will be able to sort it out – to make it
better and to protect them.
They must believe that you are
stronger than anyone else and that you will always be able to make any bad
situation right – but only if they tell you about it.
Divorced parents are particularly
at risk here because they may tend more to encourage the children to keep
secrets from the other parent. E.g.…dad might innocently say “Don’t tell
mommy that I bought you a new toy because she will be cross.” Or mom
might say “Don’t tell dad that I broke his favourite beer mug as he will be
upset.”
It confuses kids. Rather
say “Oops I broke dad’s beer mug – I hope he won’t be too upset when I tell
him.”
Raising fearless kids
Children must never fear coming
to a parent with any information. They must know that they can tell you
anything at all about themselves, their friends, school etc. You in turn
must commit to reacting in an appropriate manner and ensuring that you do your
best to fix the situation.
Remind children never ever to go
with a stranger or to allow anyone to do anything that they feel is
wrong. They must be encouraged to trust their instincts and remove
themselves from the situation if they feel uncomfortable.
It is also a good idea to
nominate another adult (not a parent), either a good family friend or a
relative and give them the authority to assist your child in the event that
they feel they cannot come to you. Explain to the child that if they ever
need help, they can go to that adult and they will be helped and their secret
will remain safe if that is how they want it. (This is very useful later
on with teens if they get involved in drugs / gangs / pregnancy / bullying etc.)
The bottom line is….make sure
your children trust you and know that you are always available to help
them. This could save your family from all manner of bad situations.
Parent24
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