Every parent wants to keep their child safe from harm, and it’s not
unusual for that concern to become worry and often times panic because of the
daily news stories of horrific acts and tragic events. They can make you
want to keep your children inside with the doors locked, never letting anyone
else near your kids. However sheltering your children from any and all
life events in the name of safety isn’t necessary or practical. This extreme
worry can greatly affect the child, causing fear, stranger anxiety and social
problems for the child. There is, however, a way to balance the worry
parents have for the safety of their child with the positive social development
of that child.
Understand the child’s temperament
Some children are outgoing by nature and some are reserved and
shy. It is easy to see when a child is on the extreme ends of this
temperament spectrum, but it is more difficult to see when a child is somewhere
close to the middle. It is important for parents and caregivers to be
sensitive to their child’s emotions and reactions to strangers, as well as to
be cautious of their own reactions around unfamiliar people.
Wait for the child to evaluate her feelings
It is very easy for parents to over react when their child falls or gets
hurt. Instead of always instantly running to the child’s side when she
falls or bumps something, parents should wait and observe what her reaction to
the accident is. Often times when a child falls it takes her a minute to
figure out for herself how she feels about the situation. Waiting for her
reaction will help her to evaluate her own pain instead of relying on your
assumptions about her pain or fear. When and if she determines that she
is hurt physically or emotionally from the accident, parents should help the
children work out those hurts with hugs, kisses and words of love.
Model cautious concern of strangers for your child
Parents that are overly afraid of strangers often transfer these fears
to their children. If a child is scolded every time she reaches out of
her comfort zone to talk to someone new because her parents are anxious about
what might happen, the child is going to become terrified of anyone she does
not know. When this happens that fear can transfer to her teachers and
even other children. Instead of reprimanding a child for being social,
teach her to embrace the social skills needed to meet new people without
mistaking that person for a trusted friend. Encourage her to talk to people
that she does not know, but remind her that she should always have her
caregiver’s permission before she goes anywhere with anyone. Remind her
to never accept gifts from people unless she has asked the adult in charge if
it is ok. Explain that if she is ever uncomfortable for any reason she
needs to tell someone she trusts.
Always trust the child’s instinct
Children have a sense for when they are uncomfortable in a
situation. Often times when a child suddenly becomes shy around another
person, parents can become embarrassed that the child is not responding in the
expected way. The parent may then begin to push and convince their child
to answer the question or be more social. However, the child is simply
being shy because she wants to assess the new person for herself. This is
a habit that parents should welcome and encourage because it means that when
the parent is not around, the child still has a discerning mind that will help
her to judge who she should trust and who she should not trust. When parents
push a child into acting toward a new or unfamiliar person in a way that the
child is uncomfortable with, parents are teaching that child to not trust her
own instincts.
Don’t be afraid to tell the child the truth in words she can understand
Parents want to protect their child from unwarranted emotional
pain. They often worry that sharing details of an event will cause the
child to fixate on the situation or have bad dreams. There is a part of
this that is true, and for some hyper sensitive children giving negative
details can cause nightmares and obsession. However, a child is usually
sensitive to her parent’s emotions. If there is something that is
bothering her parents, she will often overhear things that concern her.
Even if she never hears a word spoken, she can still feel the stress in the
home. When parents avoid sharing the reason they are upset, the child is
likely to worry about it more, and she may even think there is something that
she has done wrong. All these mixed emotions and confusion may cause her
to react with negativity and display needy behaviors. It is a much better
option to open up and share with the child the reason the parent is concerned
without giving too many confusing and scary details. Keep it simple and
let the child know that you are worried, but that it is ok to be a little
worried about things. Whatever happens, she will always be loved and
cared for.
The world can be a very scary place. Children, especially children with
a timid temperament, need help navigating the ups and downs of life. They
need help finding balance between caution and fun, fear and excitement,
sensitivity and eagerness. Parents and caregivers need to help children
find that balance without stifling the creativity and social skills needed to
live a healthy and successful life.
Go Nannies
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