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Saturday, October 13, 2012

Swearing kids: are parents to blame?


Swearing kids: are parents to blame?Songs, the internet and television are full of it, but it seems it's mum and dad who make the rules on swearing.
Kids are swearing earlier and more prolifically than ever before — and it is more to do with mimicking their parents than being influenced by the media. True, an increasing level of swearing is everywhere now — on the radio in the songs our kids sing along to and on the TV shows being aired at "family-friendly" times — but an ongoing US study is pointing the finger of blame at mums and dads.


Early results have found that swearing starts as early as the age of two and has set in between three and four.

In an article for the Association for Psychological Science, psychology professor Timothy Jay writes that by the time children enter school, they have a working vocabulary of 30 to 40 offensive words. He also suggests that the rise in cursing among kids mirrors a similar increase in adults over the past 30 years. This is where children are picking it up.

Is it still taboo?
WA parenting coach Claire Eaton, of Creative Parenting, says it is anecdotally obvious that many words considered disgusting when today's mums and dads were kids are now more acceptable.

But she says that just because these words are everywhere doesn't mean parents need to allow them to be used in their family environment.

"Kids will experiment with swearing for a variety of reasons — to fit in with friends, push boundaries, express their feelings or explore their language," she says. "It's up to families to work out what's okay in their home, to have a calm discussion about what language is acceptable and what isn't."

But she does agree it's close to impossible to live in a profanity-free world and even questions the value in the idea.
"If we remove all exposure to certain behaviours and temptations, we remove the chance for kids to learn to self-regulate their behaviour," she says. She says it is better for kids to learn how to live in a world with swearing so they can assess how to deal with it.

Is swearing ever good?
Jay says not all swearing is bad and goes so far as to describe the practice as an "evolutionary leap" that allows humans to be verbally aggressive instead of physically. "Swear words can achieve a number of outcomes, as when used positively for joking or storytelling, stress management, fitting in with the crowd, or as a substitute for physical aggression," he writes.
"We have recorded over 10,000 episodes of public swearing by children and adults, and rarely have we witnessed negative consequences of this behaviour. We have never seen public swearing lead to physical violence.

Most public uses of taboo words are not in anger; they are innocuous or produce positive consequences (such as humour elicitation)."

So if it's not that bad for us should we just let our kids go "hell" for leather when it comes to cursing aloud?

That is a personal decision to be made by families, Eaton says. However, she says society still judges people by the language they use. A gutter-mouth child, like an adult, is never a good look.

"Even though swearing is more common today, we are still quite defined by what we say," she says. "Kids can be told they may be strongly judged, particularly by other parents, if they swear a lot. This can have a social impact on them.
"It doesn't hurt for children to understand that swearing is not appropriate language in many situations, particularly if it hurts others, puts people down or is rude."

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