Why after giving away 13 babies (one amid a VERY unhappy mixup) Britain's most prolific surrogate is finally quitting

Carole Horlock felt her growing baby move inside her for the first time early this month — an unmistakeable fluttering which is a joyful milestone in any healthy pregnancy. It’s a sensation with which Carole is not unfamiliar, having been pregnant many times before. She loves the whole experience, she says. Yet when she gives birth, she will hand over the baby to another couple, without so much as a cuddle. At 46, Carole is the world’s most prolific surrogate mother — a title, which has earned her enormous admiration.

Bundles of joy: Surrogate mother Carole Horlock and the triplets, two girls and one boy, which she delivered for a Greek couple in 2008

On one occasion, she was also mired in controversy when it was revealed that the son she had given to one couple was not the result of artificial insemination with the father’s sperm, as planned, but was actually the result of a natural — if accidental — pregnancy with her partner Paul.  She handed the baby over nonetheless — the ninth of 12 babies she has carried for other women, including twins and a set of triplets. In total, she has brought joy to nine couples.

In April, if all goes smoothly, Carole will give birth to her 13th surrogate baby — after which, she insists, she will call it a day. ‘I have to stop because of my age, but I wish I didn’t have to,’ she says. ‘Some people ask how I can give up a baby that’s biologically mine, but I’d never have agreed if I hadn’t been certain the couples I’ve helped would make fabulous mothers and fathers. I’ve never had any regrets. They are all lovely people who have been through so much heartache, and I know I’ve given people who can’t conceive the most precious gift of all.’

Quitting: Carole's 13th surrogate baby will he her last

It is hard not to be touched by Carole’s altruistic sentiments, but there is no question that surrogacy remains highly controversial. While payment for it is illegal, surrogate mothers are paid pregnancy ‘expenses’ of up to £10,000 by the couples whose baby they carry. Carole is horrified by any suggestion that she has ever been a surrogate for the money. ‘It’s a ludicrous suggestion. I do it to help ordinary couples, and they pay me what they can afford,’ she says.

Many women struggle to understand how any mother could hand over a child she has carried for nine months, but Carole has a ready answer. ‘I don’t see the babies as my own,’ she insists. ‘The unconditional love I feel for my own two daughters is incomparable, but that bond was established as soon as I started breastfeeding and caring for them, not while I was pregnant. I don’t bond with the babies until I nurse them.’

Born and raised in Stevenage, Hertfordshire, Carole now lives in an old farmhouse near Bordeaux with her partner of 14 years, 55-year-old Paul Brown, and a menagerie of animals. Her daughters Steffanie, 22, a charity worker, and Megan, 19, a shop assistant, are frequent visitors. Carole admits, somewhat ironically, that she fell into motherhood by accident. The fourth of five children, she married young, at 21, and was in no rush to have a family. ‘I didn’t really want children until I fell pregnant with Steffanie,’ she says. ‘She was a happy accident.’

A new baby proved the death knell for Carole’s marriage, however, and three months after Steffanie was born, she left her husband, feeling he wasn’t involved enough with their child. Three years later, Carole gave birth to Megan, the result of a relationship, which ended during her pregnancy. ‘I was broody for a second child, and that clouded my judgment when it came to my partner,’ she says. ‘I didn’t see that he wasn’t right for me.’ As a single mother, Carole worked in a launderette to support her daughters — and perhaps that would have remained the situation were it not for the fact that in 1995, when Megan was still a toddler, Carole read a newspaper article about surrogacy. It struck an immediate chord with her. ‘I’d loved being pregnant with my two daughters, and I could imagine how devastating it would be not to be able to have children. I knew I was very fertile, so I thought I could probably do something to help others.’

 

Family backing: Carole Horlock with her daughters, Megan and Steffanie, then aged nine and 13, who have always supported her surrogacies

After contacting the surrogacy agency mentioned in the article, Carole was given a number of physical and psychological assessments to establish her suitability. A few weeks later, she was given a list of prospective couples, and chose a married British couple in their late 30s who weren’t able to have children. After an initial meeting, the couple went to Carole’s for dinner. ‘After dinner, the man went to the bathroom with a sterile cup to produce a sperm sample, and after they’d left, I inseminated myself using a syringe,’ she says.

Carole fell pregnant on the second attempt — again done after dinner. Any anxiety she’d been feeling was eclipsed by the couple’s obvious joy at the happy news of her pregnancy. At that point, however, she’d no idea how she would feel when the moment came to give up the baby. ‘But my attitude was that I had volunteered myself — nobody had asked me to do this — and if I got hurt, then I’d just have to deal with that. Carole’s friends and family were positive and supportive, with the exception of her father, who is not comfortable with his daughter’s role as a surrogate mother.

She says: ‘Our relationship has become strained. The way Dad sees it, I’ve given away his biological grandchildren. He can’t see the good in it.’ What about her own children, who were only five and two during that first surrogate pregnancy? ‘I was aware of the need to protect my children and explain to them what was going on,’ Carole says. ‘They were very much a part of the surrogacy, from meeting the couple to talking about the baby being their baby. ‘I explained that the other mummy’s tummy was broken, and that I was using my tummy to help her. Steffanie, in particular, was excited about seeing the baby.’

Bringing happiness: Babies number five, six and eight born to Carole between 1999 and 2003

In December 1995, Carole gave birth to a boy, and immediately handed him over to the overjoyed couple. ‘We all cried our eyes out — it was incredibly emotional,’ she recalls. ‘I never felt it was my baby; it was always theirs. It was wonderful to see them as a family at long last. I felt very proud.’ Three months later, Carole agreed to act as the couple’s surrogate again. This time, she found herself expecting twins, and in February 1997 she handed the girls over to the joyous couple.

In the years since, there have been ten more surrogate babies, among them a daughter born to a couple who had suffered multiple miscarriages, a son for a couple who had tried for 23 years to have a child of their own, and a baby for a Greek couple whose previous surrogate had decided to keep the baby she’d carried for them. ‘They came to me heartbroken,’ says Carole. ‘They were overjoyed when I gave birth to a girl for them.’ Paul, an articulate, quietly-spoken engineer, has been fully supportive of Carole’s unorthodox way of life from the moment they met.

Carole says: ‘I’d had relationships before with men who told me they couldn’t deal with the surrogacies. My belief was that if the person was right for me, they would accept me and what was important to me. ‘One partner said to me: “If you continue to be a surrogate, we’ll have to split up” — so I said, “OK, we’ll split up”. He then agreed to try to deal with it, but I’d lost respect for him and withdrew emotionally.’ Paul was 41 when they met, with a grown-up daughter of his own. ‘I knew I liked him a lot, and asked if he could deal with me being a surrogate,’ says Carole. ‘His immediate and honest reaction was, “Isn’t that wonderful?” I feel blessed to have such a supportive partner. He even loves feeling the babies kick inside me, and enjoys sharing each pregnancy.’

 

Double trouble: Babies number two and three - twin girls - were delivered in 1997

Not every surrogacy has been an unmitigated success, however. Eight years ago, in 2004, a near-catastrophic mistake almost destroyed Carole’s surrogate career, and put an immeasurable strain on her relationship with Paul. For Carole’s ninth surrogacy, she gave birth to a boy for another childless couple. But a DNA test revealed that Paul was, in fact, the biological father. ‘I don’t know why the couple chose to have a DNA test,’ Carole says. ‘I can only assume they wanted to dot the i’s and cross the t’s. ‘Of course, I made a mistake. I never promised to abstain, but Paul and I were careful and always used condoms. Still, no contraception is 100 per cent effective. ‘When we found out what had happened, I cried for weeks. Paul and I discussed taking the baby back — but I couldn’t do that to the other woman. So we agreed that they would adopt him. ‘Of course, they were disappointed at first, but they’d had him for six weeks and were in love with him. He was very wanted.’

Paul, though, found the situation particularly difficult. ‘He hadn’t wanted any more children, but I felt guilty that I’d put him in a position where he had a child who wasn’t growing up with him. ‘It was not a happy time — but in the end a childless couple became a family.’ Nonetheless, the surrogacy agency that Carole had worked with decided to sever ties with her — which only fuelled Carole’s determination to continue working as a surrogate, despite being in her late 30s by then. ‘I didn’t want my final experience to be a negative one,’ she says.

Paul had a vasectomy so there was no chance of him and Carole conceiving again, and she registered with a surrogacy website. In 2007, she became pregnant again after a Greek couple contacted her, begging for help. On this occasion, for the first time, impregnation took place through IVF in Greece, using the couple’s sperm and eggs, meaning the baby was not biologically Carole’s. At the 12-week scan, Carole discovered that she was expecting triplets — a boy and two girls. It was good news for the couple but meant a tricky pregnancy for Carole. ‘It was harder because of my size,’ she says. ‘I couldn’t walk, or turn over in bed.’  Recovery was harder, too, following the babies’ birth by Caesarean section in March 2008.

 

Sad ending: Carole Horlock, pictured with baby number nine, has called it a day on surrogacies, but says had it not been for her age, she would do it again

But still Carole was ready to give surrogacy one last go. ‘I felt healthy, and I wasn’t ready to stop helping people,’ she says. So when in April this year an Italian couple contacted her in search of a surrogate, she agreed to help. ‘They were longing for a baby, but she couldn’t carry children of her own. I liked them and felt a connection with them, so wanted to help.’ Again, the baby was conceived at the first attempt at IVF, using the man’s sperm and eggs from an anonymous donor. ‘My daughters were amazed because they thought I was too old for it to happen. Now they ring all the time, asking how it’s going. They’re proud of what I do.’ The prospective mum was with Carole at the first scan. ‘The baby looked perfect, with a tiny little nose and a strong heartbeat. It was incredibly emotional. The mum hugged me and had tears rolling down her face. She said: “It’s so real now.” ‘It’s wonderful to be able to give them this precious gift.’

But at 46, Carole’s age means she’s at increased risk of haemorrhage as the pregnancy progresses — a fact which has contributed to her decision to make this her last surrogate pregnancy. ‘The pregnancies haven’t had a negative impact on my health, but I accept that this is my last baby — though I’ll still be a part of helping families find surrogates by going on relevant forums and giving advice.’ In the meantime, photographs of each of the children Carole has carried have pride of place in a special keepsake box. She has met many of the babies, and hopes to do so again in future. ‘I’m in touch with all the couples except two, and all the babies know I’m their surrogate mum. If they want to track me down when they’re older, I’d be delighted to see them.’ Otherwise, Carole insists, she doesn’t think of them often. ‘The only day I think of the babies is on Mother’s Day,’ she says. ‘And that’s only because I’m imagining all the happy mums I’ve helped.’

 Source: Daily Mail UK 

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